pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
