I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
