I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Randomize
