I heard we made out
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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