after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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