If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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