I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
