You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
