Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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