I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
