so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
