I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
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not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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