I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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