yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize