This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
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I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
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Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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