Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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