You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I could fuck to npr.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
