I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
