i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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