So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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