btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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