we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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