Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.