the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...