bring money and cleavage
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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