I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
