Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
