Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize