1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
