love makes seman taste better
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
