Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Less talking, more tequila
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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