Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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