Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
