it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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