My first STD was from a foam party
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
