just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I need water and some morals
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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