She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
