so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
