Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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