well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
