How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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