**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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