my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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