No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
