exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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