mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
