We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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