I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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