Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
