I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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