Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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