He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
