Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
