she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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