You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
