If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
