brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Yo dont text me then not text me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
