The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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