3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
